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Virtually Forever

digital relationships

Virtually Forever

Our grandparents did it properly, they fell in love under a blanket of unpolluted sky, minimal light pollution and visible stars. In a world where climate-unchanged wasn’t the hot topic in a newspaper made of actual paper.

Today virtually everything is virtually possible. Mail order Thai brides evolved into Realistic ( but clearly just an image on a screen ) looking virtual brides that you can really marry, no pretending at all. It’s like Charlie and the chocolate factory, you are that kid pixelated inside the TV with your new bride. She really works too, she says I love you and looks at you adoringly, at least until your screensaver kicks in.

You can date online and let time pass by in virtual worlds full of real/virtual people/characters.

Don’t be that person.

You can date real people you meet online and actually see them face to face ( not after a 10 year virtual relationship ) in real life unpixelated.

Be that person instead.

When every friend starts to find your online relationship obsession a little weird it’s probably time to cut back a little on your online time.

Once you’ve invited all your friends to see you marry Pamela Pixel please see a therapist.

Hands on digital affection

Technology has evolved for some great uses. You can now really touch and feel your digital girlfriend using special equipment and sensors and you’ll probably look a little bit like a robot while you’re seducing Virtual Sheila.

All this effort just to avoid meeting her and having to pay to take her for a real dinner.


Probably a good idea to put your real hands up for a Psychologist 

When it all goes wrong, online marriage counselling is the place for you. It’s online but you can talk to a real human therapist using real voices and discuss how you can find your way back to reality.

Digital Divorce

If you did manage to marry a real person and it didn’t go quite as smoothly as your previous virtual encounters. Digital divorce is a good option. Divorce isn’t fun so get some help online and avoid having to spend anymore time with a real person ever again.

If you are easily offended don’t F***Z read this last paragraph get some psychological help instead.

Please don’t take this article too seriously. It isn’t written on real paper it doesn’t count. It’s saving trees but burning a little more nuclear energy instead. We don’t promote segregation and violence and haven’t found a compelling click-bait title so you probably haven’t read this far anyway.

The Encore

In all seriousness Online addictions do exist and seeking help online through counselling or therapy with a trained professional can be a nice stepping stone towards fully opening up about your feelings. A lot of people don’t like to express how they feel, especially when they are struggling. Pluck up he courage and throw in the towel before the line dividing you and your avatar blurs into one big jumble of picture elements on a screen that flickers so fast you can’t see the flicker.



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